Why Shared Values, Not Shared Interests, Are the Key to Lasting Relationships in the Age of Swipe Culture

Jun 15

4 min read

In a world driven by dating apps and dopamine, here’s why shared values—not shared hobbies—are the real glue of lasting love.

Introduction

Imagine this: You both love rock climbing. You both binge "Stranger Things." You’re obsessed with oat milk lattes, and you even hate the same TikTok influencers. On paper, it feels like destiny. But six months in, it unravels. Why?

Shared interests can spark a connection but does not mean you will share similar values. Shared values is what sustains a relationship.

In today’s dating landscape—dominated by swipe culture, superficial bios, and the never-ending pursuit of "the next best match"—people often conflate chemistry with compatibility. What we’re rarely told is that alignment on core beliefs is a far better predictor of relationship success than common hobbies.

Let’s explore why.

The Swipe Trap: Dating Apps and the Rise of Interest-Based Matching

Swipe-based dating apps (think Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge) encourage fast, appearance-based decisions and often match users on surface-level traits: music tastes, favorite travel destinations, or star signs. These preferences might start a conversation, but they rarely sustain a partnership.

According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 60% of users reported feeling frustrated with dating apps, and only 10% found long-term relationships through them. That’s a glaring 90% failure rate.

Worse yet, many users on these platforms aren’t even available. A recent Stanford study found that 65% of Tinder users are already in a relationship. That’s more than just noise in the data—it’s a systemic flaw.

Swipe-based dating culture is engineered to promote shallow engagement. It's a dopamine economy where connection becomes commodified, and genuine compatibility takes a back seat.

The Myth of Interests as Relationship Glue

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking shared interests equal compatibility. After all, pop culture has trained us to believe in the couple who hikes together, or the duo who bonds over obscure vinyl records.

But let’s be honest: Interests fade. People grow. Hobbies evolve. Values, on the other hand, tend to remain consistent across life stages. If you value financial responsibility, faith, family, or personal growth—those beliefs will shape your decisions, communication, and conflict resolution.

The Power Moves blog says it best: "Shared hobbies are like the frosting on the cake. Shared values are the ingredients that hold the cake together."

What Are Shared Values, Really?

Shared values are the deep-seated principles that guide your behavior and choices. They may include your beliefs and opinions on:

- Family, marriage, and parenting

- Financial goals and spending habits

- Future, Career ambition vs. work-life balance

- Faith, Religious or spiritual beliefs

- Things you like to do for fun.

- Political or social ideologies

- Emotional communication styles

These foundational elements influence how a couple navigates everything from daily routines to major life crises. Misalignment here isn’t just inconvenient; it’s often irreconcilable.

As Violet Spring writes in her Medium essay on Sexual vs. Relationship Market Value, "A lasting relationship needs more than attraction; it needs shared mission and meaning."

Diverging Viewpoints: Do Opposites Attract?

To be fair, not everyone agrees.

Some psychologists argue that a balance of differing worldviews can lead to personal growth. It’s possible that dating someone with different opinions challenges you to become more empathetic or open-minded.

And sure, some couples with wildly different values do make it work. But they’re often the exception, not the rule. Research consistently finds that couples aligned on values experience greater satisfaction, less conflict, and longer-lasting relationships (source: Psychology Today).

How Orra Uses Values to Change the Dating Game

Enter Orra, an AI-powered matchmaking platform designed to disrupt the swipe-based dating economy.

Orra skips the superficial matching based on hobbies or appearances. Instead, its algorithm evaluates a user’s core values, life goals, and relational priorities—then pairs them with like-minded matches who are actually relationship-ready.

And the data backs it up: Couples matched through Orra have reported more intentional conversations, faster emotional connection, and fewer mismatched expectations.

Oh, and no swiping. Ever.

Unlike traditional apps that profit from keeping users addicted and single, Orra was built to be deleted.

Real People. Real Stories.

Users like Jenna, a 29-year-old therapist in Salt Lake City, say Orra helped her avoid dating burnout: "I wasn’t just swiping through faces anymore. I was actually connecting with people who shared my values around faith, family, and purpose."

Or Trevor, a BYU grad who described his experience as "refreshing and radically different. Orra helped me focus on what I want in a life partner, not just a weekend date."

These stories echo a common theme: Depth over dopamine.

Final Thoughts: What Really Keeps Couples Together

At the end of the day, relationships are about more than chemistry. They’re about shared vision, aligned purpose, and mutual respect. Interests might start a fire, but values keep it burning.

So if you’re tired of swiping. Tired of shallow matches. Tired of ending up with someone who’s great on paper but wrong in practice—maybe it’s time to go deeper.

That’s what Orra is for.